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Great Darktonian Pie War
Peanut Butter Jelly Time, officially designated "The Final Showdown" by the High Penguins, is a last ditch attempt, with every good creature in Antarctica plus the Str00del Force and Jerks facing off against Darktan and his minions. It was a long war, because King Triskelle, their Navy, and every High Penguin except Luce fled to their homeland of Arda. Luce claims that this is the fabled "Dagor Dagorath" (the Battle of Battles). A a game was released in Freezeland about it. The event Prologue PBJT Valley didn't always bear this name. In fact, it never had one to begin with. That all changed in "The Battle of Battles". PBJT Valley is a foggy, freezing cold, Valley Forge-esque land full of hills and trees. Lots of trees. A Rundown in High Penguin Battle Customs HPs have extreme rituals and proceedures for traditional battles (not like ones in the past). They start with a coin toss, and the winner chooses two weapons that everyone would get. This is administrated by a football-style referee. If a person is toppled by any weapon, and can not get up in ten seconds they are teleported to a stone structure and suspended in Ditto A until the war ends. This is administerd by an old-fashioned boxing referee. Everytime someone is knocked out, a loud cathedral bell is rung. Usually, that thing rings every second. The spirits have had to replace it several times per battle. All "officials" (referees, ect.) are High Penguin spirits. Dagor Dagorath! (the Battle of Battles) Chapter One: Let's Get It On It was a gray, overcast day. Darktan and his minions were marching from their realm, about to seize and expand their empire. Continental conquest was their goal. They knew the Antarctic citizens lacked any hope. However, the creatures of Antarctica refused to quit, whether the High Penguins did or not. Even the Dorkugese had left their homeland to stop the menace. Everyone who was anyone came to see this done. Darktan even agreed to start the "games" in ancient High Penguin custom. So it was done. Professor Shroomsky, wearing the Silmaril Crown that he sued off Triskelle, and Darktan, the Ultimate Evil, faced each other at a stone cylinder. Shroomsky, as we know, is a stickler for formality. He did the prescribed rituals to the letter. They faced each other. "See that crown, fungus? It's mine. ALL MINE." Shroomsky glared at the fearsome menace, but refused to back down. ---- Meanwhile, in Ard Mhaca, the High Penguin officials were in the town centre, around The Two Trees. They had never really left. Freezeland's navy had faught in the war, but the High Penguins did not. King Triskelle stood, watching the confused High Penguins. A high wind was picking up, and King Triskelle was eager to get more troops before the snowstorm struck. He turned to Elessar, Will Whitefoot, Bodo Bunce, and other important military or parliament officials. "Muster me every able-bodied male and strong lad. You have two days. On the third, we ride for the valley, and for battle." They each bowed and slipped their armour on. Triskelle watched them as they rushed, and strayed into deep thought. He came to himself a few moments later and slipped his armour on, and sheathed his sword. Triskelle, before leaving after Shroomsky seized the jewels, had took all the amulets, except Light and Shadow. So, despite them being currently dormant, Triskelle took them. ---- A High Penguin ghost, dressed in vertical black-and-white stripes, floated down to where Shroomsky and Darktan stood. The opposing armies stood on the banks of the Valley. They were both told not to attack until the ceremony was done. "Penghis Khan is ready to kick tail feather. When can he unleash his Imperial PWNage?" Luce glared. "Hush, wee lad. This is tradition." Luce held a Scroll reading "Rules and Regularities of a traditional duel". "Oh. Penghis Khan scoffs at your formality." Luce cleared her throat. Down at the table, the two characters just stared. The ghost came out with a solid gold coin that glimmered even at night, almost as if infused with the Amulet of Light itself. One one side, a big smiling picture of Professor Shroomsky. On the other side, Darktan. "It will now begin. This is not to be a petty snowball fight. He whose face falls flat on the dubloon has the advantage in choosing their arsenal." They commenced a coin toss right there. The currency landed on Shroomsky! "Luck is with you today, Fungus. Your two weapons of choice?" Shroomsky looked at the sapphire box the High Penguin provided him. There were maces of all shapes and sizes, a golf club, a frying pan, some pie, dirt, fax machines, and a piece of paper with an interrobang on it (‽'''). "I'll take the pie." The villains cheered. "...and the interrobang." Silence. Thus, the High Penguin ghost took out the pie and cloned it. Everyone received lots of pie. Several people had to tell others, "DON'T EAT THE AMMO!". The ghost pulled up the Interrobang. "No creature is to be killed. None at all." Both teams cheered. "The board is set. Now the peices must move." The ghost turned to Shroomsky. He eyed the Crown. "What be ye, wearing an important artefact? Where is the Triskelle, Son of Arvedui?" "I sued for the Crown... and Triskelle surrendered and ran to his homeland..." "Grace and luck be on your side, Fungus." He clapped his flippers together. "May the leaders arise, and meet at the banks." They did. The ghost started the countdown in Ancient Penguinian. "Tre! To! En! ''Deilige søte bliss som gjør deg feit!!" A buzzer sounded. The Battle of All Battles had started. Penguins picked up their pies. Villains picked up their pies and ate Doom Weeds for extra strength (cheaters). With a great, thundering roar, everyone picked up their pies and "natural talents"! This way and that! Pies flew everywhere! Shroomsky got smacked with boisonberry! Turtleheimer was spun around by apple! Then, Darktan threw a pie at Penghis Khan. WHACK! It was key lime. Penghis Khan hated key lime. Darktan shouldn't have done it. Khan yelled over the crowd, as pies flew everywhere. He took his Imperial Mullet and dragged it passed the front lines and deep into enemy territory. No one saw him. They were flinging magic, throwing pies, or (in the case of Explorer) flinging daggers. Khan took his Mullet. He walked straight to a big villain. It was Herbert Horror. He was standing, firing scalding beams of fire at any poor person within yards. Penghis Khan took aim and swung his fish. '''''WHACK!! Herbert Horror fell like a snowman in a summer greenhouse. A ghost appeared in a white shirt, black suspenders and red bowtie. He started slapping the ground, screaming in Ancient Penguinian. "Ti, ni, åtte, sju, seks, fem, fire, tre, to, en! Banke ut!" A mighty cathedral bell sounded. Herbert Horror vanished in a cloud of smoke, reappearing in a stone masonry structure, with the words "Taperne" engraved upon it. He was then frozen solid in Ditto, so he wouldn't attack other losers in the seats. Darktan raised a mighty flipper. He was just toying before. Since his right-hand-man just fell to Khan ("banke ut" is "knockout" in Penguinian), he immediantly knew this fight was not going to be easy. He conjured up a massive pie and hurled it at Penghis Khan. It was bigger than five of him! "Ti, ni, åtte, sju, seks, fem, fire, tre, to, en! Banke ut!" The bell sounded again. Penghis Khan was squashed like a bug. Luce turned to the audience. "Wonderful, eh? Our most valliaiant cannon fodder warrior has fell." WHACK! Four Khanz Penguins, down, felled by one blast from WitchyPenguin! Four countdowns and four bells. Luce picked up a pie and screamed some chant. She flung it and it hit a random minion, who subsequently hit seventeen others. Eighteen countdowns, Eighteen bells. And then, another countdown and another bell. So far, the Good Guys were winning. That was going to change. Chapter Two: NO, NOT MANNY! Darktan turned to the "Losers" area, and saw the villains. "SEND IN ROBO-GARY!" Robo-Gary turned on and walked onto the Valley. His flippers were like machine guns, rapidly firing pies at everyone. That took down most of the Dorkugese, all of the Emoticons, even Explorer, and Fred! Happyface, however, came prepared. He held "The Really Shiny Hand Grenade With A RollBack Function That Looks Like A Globius Cruciger But Isn't"! He tossed the glittering heirloom straight at Darktan, but he quickly put up a forcefield and dodged it. It flew up and landed on Robo-Gary. A Hallehlujah chorus, static, and a countdown later, and Robo-Gary exploded. The blast took out a twenty-fifth of Darktan's army. Bells rang like mad. Unfortunately, the Antic Grenade also took out Barkjon and himself. "Hold it!!!" Explorer text messaged to the narrator from inside his tank. "Doesn't the grenade have a rollback function?" That it did. Explorer and Fred reappered on the battlefield. At the same moment, the tanks holding Happyface and Barkjon shattered, and the two came out fullt armed and ready to fight. The released Ditto Vapor stunned about 16 other baddies (mostly STINC soldiers). "EAT OUR DITTO SPRAY YOU STUPID STINC GOONS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yet, they were STILL out numbered! Bad guys abound! Pies kept on flying. Creatures fell. Bells rang, and it wore on. Judge Xavier waddled up on the front lines and threw his prized Gavel. It clobbered Witchy Penguin, but she got up before the ten seconds were up. However, her broomstick wasn't as lucky. Witchy Penguin was now vulnerable. Darktan became angrier. He used telekinises and picked up Manny Peng. He lifted the Mwa Mwa Penguin high above him. It was screaming like a manicac. "I ONWY THWEE! I ONWY THWEE!" The faster he spun Manny, the more it screamed. Then, he hurled it. Manny spun like a football, clobbering hundreds and hundres of epgnuins, as the spinning freak was also guided by Darktan's mighty abilities. Shroomsky just lost half the army thanks to Manny Peng. He had to pull back his army before they were toast. The pies kept flying as well. ---- Shroomsky turned to Luce. "What are we going to do now? Is there any sort of answer?" "A bundle of twigs is stronger than only one." Shroomsky had no idea what this meant. Luce seemed to be hiding something. ---- Chapter Three: Marx Marx Marx Darktan, meanwhile, turned to his minions. "Okay. We're winning. Conquest should be easy. Yet, before I do, let me tell you something. I went on a new world called "YouTube to obtain minions. I also wrote about me recruiting "Marx" there. I did get two characters, though I don't really know what to do with them. Each one was named Marx." Darktan whistled, and the aforementioned "Marx" characters appeared. "This," Darktan commented, "is [[Wikipedia:Groucho Marx|Groucho Marx]]. He's a comedian. He won't fight, but he is world reknowned in comedy, along with his relatives. I guess he will cheer you up." Groucho Marx waved to Darktan and smiled. "...and this is Marx Marx. He's from some place called "Kirby World", and shoots ice." Marx Marx nodded and shot ice. "...and this is [[Wikipedia:Carl Marx|Carl Marx]], credited as the founder of Socialism. I presume he will... um, just say something fancy!" Carl Marx nodded and quoted himself: "Let the ruling classes tremble at a Communistic revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Working men of the world, unite!" WitchyPenguin turned to Darktan. "What did he just say?!" "I don't know." "But every class struggle is a political struggle." Marx continued. "I don't get it. Aren't you the 'ruling class'?" "You're right. You think I should put him back?" "Then begins an epoch of social revolution." Marx continued. "Okay, Carl. That's enough fancy talk." "I WILL NOT BE SILENCED UNDER YOUR CAPITALIST CHAINS!" "What?" a random villain asked. "I think he hates money." "Is that to say we are against Free Trade?" Carl Marx continued. "He's annoying." Witchy Penguin continued as well. Marx Marx suddenly got clobbered with a pie. A countdown, a bell, and the Kirby villains was back to his universe. ---- While Darktan and Carl Marx argued with each other, Professor Shoomsky and the army talked to one another. Professor Shroomsky felt very guilty. "I think I made a big mistake suing Triskelle. Luce, I'm sorry if I just killed Antarctica's chances of winning." "I have high penguin intuition. I forsee great cheer in the near future." Professor Shroomsky frowned. "Are you positive I didn't ruin it?" "No, Hounourable Fungus. Twas only a meer overreaction. Seizing the opportunity to to fight Darktan was very valliant." "I still feel guilty." "As a former narrator, with my intuition, I can assure you that victory is nigh." Shroomsky smiled. ---- Chapter Four: Hi, Billy Mays Here! The two armies retired to their camps at sunset. Most of the night was spent treating injuries and making battle plans. None of them expected what would happen in the morning. At dawn, Professor Shroomsky's army awoke to an unusually warm atmosphere (it was about 20 degrees Fahrenheit). In contrast, Darktan's lines saw an immense amount of fog and temperatures of -80 degrees Fahrenheit. The battle resumed at 9:30 AM. Everything went pretty much the same as what had happened yesterday, with the exception of the fog around Darktan's army, which was reducing their visibility to a 1.25 foot radius. At about 10:15, a loud crash of thunder was heard coming from Darktan's lines. Explorer, who had the privilege of flight, soared up above the battlefield to see what was going on. A large line of dark, gray clouds was approaching the field. As Explorer watched, a bolt of lightning zapped through three clouds and struck one of the taller STINC soldiers. Then it began to snow. Without warning, a gale-force wind stirred up, blowing the snow everywhere and further reducing visibility. The reading on one of Explorer's pocket thermomters fell rapidly, as did the reading on his handheld barometer. Just then, a small icy hailstone bonked Explorer's hat, Tittle, on the rotor. Explorer didn't even see it coming because the curtain of snow was so thick. Through the blinding waves of white that surrounded him, Explorer was able to barely make out the outline of a city skyline on top of one of the clouds. Explorer then realized what was happening. "Aw, come on!" he yelled above the roar of the wind. "I should have known this was going to happen; I read the script two weeks ago! It's Mayor McFlapp's doing, isn't it?" he asked the narrator. There was no reply. "Ah well, I'll just have to find out for myself!" With that, Explorer, despite the blizzard and showering hail, shot off towards the looming cummulonimbus cloud with the strange flickering lights. ---- Darktan shot a beam of auras straight into the oncoming clouds. It penetrated straight through the storm, cutting clean through a third of the squall line. Visibility was slightly restored; the army of Evil advanced. Suddenly, an air horn peirced through the valley. A lone Bean Human walked up the banks, facing the battle. "Hi, Billy Mays here, demonstrating the power of Oxypie." The creature held up a purple colored pie. "It has the stickiness to cure even the toughest in evil stains." He tossed the pie. It clobbered an STINC minion, who was out for the count. Billy Mays continued. He took a pie from a Dorkugese penguin nearby. "See how Oxypie topples an STINC infantrymen in comparison to the leading brand of weaponry!" He threw the pies at two STINC minions. The Oxypie flew faster and hit harder. "The secret is the special fluids baked into the pastry! Watch how they connect and stick to the enemy's feathers like glue!" Mays hurled the pie at Manny Peng. The Mwa Mwa Penguin fell and the momentum sent him back ten feet, knocking two STINC soldiers with it. Three bells and countdowns. "Now that's the power of Oxypie!" ---- Up in Ternville, Explorer and Mayor McFlapp were in the Narrator's Office laughing over hillarity of their newfound spoof of Billy Mays and OxyClean. "ROTFL...... seriously, Mayor, did you really come up with that all by yourself?" Explorer asked as he chortled uncontrollably. "I mean, Oxypie???? BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!" As Explorer burst out laughing all over the carpet, Mayor McFlapp continued typing at his Narration Organ. ---- "This Oxypie the human speaks of seems to be more powerful than I thought," said Darktan to his minions. "We must stop this at once." Metal Explorer snickered as a evil grin came over his face. "I can take care of that, oh wise and great Darktan." The robot took off using his mini jet pack feet and flew into the battle. In his flipper he held a rather large pie. The penguins below saw it, and some even screamed. "This should take care of these pesky penguins." The robot let the pie go sending it to the ground. It hit 20 penguins, covering them in a strange substance. It was light green with a little dark purple in it. No one knew what it was. When the penguins tried to get up, though, the sticky liquid held them to the ground. It felt like oil and was almost as sticky as Oxypie. "MOMMY!" yelled a Khanz Penguin. "Save us!" cried a Dorkugese Penguin. Everyone who wasn't busy fighting was worried. Billy Mays, however, just smiled. He then pulled out yet another strange contraption. Professor Shroomsky and Luce looked curious. "What is that crazy advertiser doing now?" they asked the others. Billy Mays then walked up to where the large pie had landed. "Stuck to the ground by a sticky pie? Then you need the special cleaning power of Kaboom!" He held what appeared to be a container of cleaning supplies. He then sprayed some on the pie that had landed on the penguins and it suprisingly disolved away. "See how Kaboom cleans up Pie stains compared to the leading brands! When you're on the battlefield, you want the strength of this cleaner! Billy Mays Guaranteed." The warriors then cheered and clapped. Metal Explorer, however, was furious. "Impossible! How dare you question the Power of Lord Darktan's pies! You will be sorry!" Just then, Blizzard threw a pie up at the crazy robot. This flung him back to Darktan's castle as fast as a snail tied to a rocket. "Mayday! Mayday! Fire the pies!" The battle continued as more pies were flung, and more penguins were being freed by Billy May's new weapon, Kaboom. The Beastector then sent in larger, stickier pies. Billy Mays continued, holding the Kaboom. "The secret is the iodizing bonds! Kaboom has a special chemical formula that can remove any stain, from grape juice to pie, guaranteed!" He sprayed free the others. Darktan, now enraged, conjured up a pie the size of sixteen Herbert Horrors. He flung it, and it smashed over three-quarters of the army of Justice! A High Penguin spirit was counting down from ten. Billy Mays laughed and called in a tractor trailer that was hauling a full load of Kaboom. "IT HAS THE STRENGTH TO WIPE AWAY THIS FULLY LOADED, MULTI-SURFACE PIE THE SIZE OF A HOUSE IN MERE SECONDS!" The tractor trailer dumped its load of Kaboom. It washed over PBJT Valley, and wiped everyone free! Darktan's new pie was useless! He immediantly reverted to the old pie that knocked people over. Oxypies and cream pies continued to fly everywhere. Explorer continued to laugh at the advertising puns while Mayor McFlapp continued to type. ---- Chapter Five: ROOOOOOAAAR! Magma Puffle attack penguins! Darktan growled more and more. His army appeared to be loosing thanks to Billy Mays and his new weapons. An Abyss Knight approached him. "Oh wise and noble Darktan, our armies are getting what I like to call creamed. We need to bring out more troops." Darktan turned and walked over to the knight. "It appears it is time to bring out one of our last lines of defense. Release the Magma Puffle." A Doom Knight saluted Darktan and pulled a large metal lever. ---- The side of justice was winning. With Billy Mays' products, and the power of Mayor McFlapp's trump card, nothing could stop them now. But happiness would soon change to fear. Just then, a cage opened, releasing a huge twenty-meter-high beast that appeared to be completely made of Magma. He roared like a pack of hungry Leopard Seals, and then spoke in a extremely deep voice. "ROOOOOOAAAR! Magma Puffle attack penguins and defend Lord Darktan's castle!" Penguins everywhere screamed and ran in different directions. Professor Shroomsky was frozen with fright. He stood still and looked like a Puffle about to be caught by a Skua. "Wha, wha, wha..... what is th-that thing?!?!?!" Luce gently patted him on the back. "The strange human creature has the situation under control. For the time at hand, at least." Poor Luce was wrong, for Billy Mays was running around like the other warriors were. Apparently he had no type of weaponry to stop this enormous creature. "If only you were right, Luce. I don't think even one of his cleaning products can save us now though. We'll just have to hope the Fourth Goozack will save us... if not, then I have an idea." Luce looked at him sharply. "What in the name of Ard Mhaca is that?" Professor Shroomsky took one glance at the Magma Puffle and shrieked, "RUN!!!!!!!" ---- "It appears that the Magma Puffle is working most effectively," said Darktan as he smirked. "Even that ridiculous advertiser dosen't have anything to fight it with." Then a pie covered Metal Explorer approached Darktan. "Ah, being such a evil penguin is hard work, isn't it, my robotic minion?" said Darktan as he patted the robot on the head. Rolling his eyes, Metal Explorer huffed. "You've got it easy." ---- Chapter Six: Reinforcements Prepare Up in his office, Mayor McFlapp was getting ready his sophisticated retaliation. "Tell the scientists that I can't wait for long," he barked into the speaker-phone beside his Organ. "Oh, and meet with Admiral Gee, eh? Tell him riverdog, advance on treewalloper or rivermouse! He knows what t' do, wot! Thanks, Becky! You're the best secretary a Mayor ever had, wot! Bye-bye now!" Explorer could not help but overhear. Riverdog? Treewalloper? he thought as Mayor McFlapp returned the phone to its holder. Perhaps it was all some sort of code... As Explorer watched, the Mayor picked up a small walkie-talkie and spoke into it. "Rally the citizens," he said. "Now." ---- "Arr, okay ye Ninjas. We must be a headin to this pie war. They'll need all the help they can get there, "proclaimed Ninjahopper. "Any questions ye be needin to ask." A overly excited student rasied his flipper in the air and hopped up and down. "Yes ye grasshopper." "ZOMG-YOU'RE-ROCKHOPPER-AND-YOUR-A-NINJA!!!! He yelled excitedly. Ninjahopper rolled his eyes at the students who were now jumping all over the place asking him to sign autographs in haiku. "Argh, why to I even bother." The Ninja Master-to be then exited the Dojo with the few sensible Ninja students and headed to PBJT Valley. Little did they know though that Metal Explorer was hovering over them silently. "Arr, we be on our way to PBJT Valley, Arr," Ninjahopper sung. Metal Explorer just grinned in a way similar to how Mabel looks on the Musical about her. "Sing now penguin," whispered the robot. "But you won't be smiling when you see the Magma Puffle." ---- Far away from the valley and Ninjahopper, a blinding snowstorm raged through Ard Mhaca. On the rooftop of one building, the blurred sillhouette of King Triskelle could be seen holding a crackling walkie-talkie. "*fixzz*--''*pop*''--Rall--''*ping*''-y the b--''*ffzz*''-ally citizens, w--''*xxzvff*''--ot! I'm about t'--''*fxzzivping*''--jolly well sh--''*fvvxzz*''--ow Perw--''*xvczff*''--inkle the flipp--''*cwhshvzfxxzz*''--in' ammo! Come on, n--''*shwshfzsxvc*''--ow, go, go, go!!!--''*ca-weep--fhzzxvczz*''" crackled the walkie-talkie. King Triskelle paused for a moment, trying to understand the static message, then tucked the walkie-talkie into his inventory. He took something out from his player card, pressed a button, then teleported in a bright lime green flash that was eventually lost amongst the thick curtains of snow. ---- Subchapter Six-One: Heads or Tails? Back on the battlefield, a bright red coloured aeroplane zoomed overhead. Hot Sauce charges were dropped out of the sides, and a black-hooded penguin piloted. "....Tails6000." Turtleheimer remarked. Tails grabbed a parachute, loaded his trademark hot sauce machine gun, and jumped out the side of the aeroplane. "DO'H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He yelled, pulling the trigger on the hot sauce machine gun. "AAHH! HE'S TRIGGER HAPPY!" A STINC minon shrieked. One by one, STINC goons fell out out. The referee counted his hit count."..En..To..Tre..Tjue..Førti To.." Tails had KO'd forty-two STINC goons! Sadly, though a great asset, he perspires easily, and needed to take a breather. He broke the rules doing this. Once you leave the battlefield, you can't come back. So, there went one of the Good Guy's greatest warriors. ---- Subchapter Six-Two: Six thousand... and Ninjahopper. King Triskelle had rallied as many able bodied men and strong lads he could. He caught up to the other High Penguin officials, at the ruins of Permothylae. "I bring five hundred from Northfold, Father!" Elessar said. "Seven hundered more from Snowbourne!" Bodo Bunce proclaimed. "Sir, we have six thousand spears altogether." Will Whitefoot sighed. "Six Thousand? That will not be enough to defeat the lines of the Darktonian Realm.." "Sir-If I may say.." Will interrupted. "No, you may not. We have till nightfall, then we march." Triskelle retorted. The camp began to pick up the pace, and everyone began to get ready. The smithys were being crowded, the puffles being fed, everyone was readyying themselves for war. "Six Thousand..." Triskelle mumbled, watching the first lines move out. ---- "Arr, we be walkin to PBJT Valley, arr arr arr!" Sung Ninjahopper. The Sensei Apprentice and his students had been walking for hours but it was still along way to go. Despite already completing his training, Speeddasher accompanied them to be of assistance. "I hope Blizzard is alright. I still don't know if it was right letting him join the pie war." said the Ninja. "Don't worry," replied a student. "The little guy survived years in the mountains by himself. He can survive a few days out at war." "Look on the bright side!" said another. "Ninjahopper is finally happy." Speed just rolled his eyes. "Ya think. Wait until we have to tell him that inorder to get to PBJT Valley we have to sail across the ocean (Ninjas live in Club Penguin)." Ninjahopper, not hearing what Speeddasher said, just continued singing and marching across the mountains. Suprisingly none of them realised that Metal Explorer silently followed them. "It'll be nice going outside of Club Penguin. The mainland sounds cool." whispered on student to another. "Does our master know he's going to have to cross over the sea to get to the mainland?" Metal Explorer made an evil grin as he popped his head out of a nearby bush. The robot was very stealthy so as always no one saw him. "Just wait until they reach the mainland. The Dark Archons will take care of them. As for King Triskelle, I doubt he'll ever forget what I have in store for him." ---- Chapter Seven: POTASSIUM! Back on the battlefield, the Magma Puffle was still wreaking havoc. Even Oxipie had no effect. "WROARRRRR! MAGMA PUFFLE DESTROY PATHETIC PENGUINS!!" Suddenly, the ground exploded between the two armies and an oddly familiar giant drilling machine burst out, a small wagon and lantern attached to the back. Deathly silence fell over both sides. A large door swung open on the side of the machine and a penguin stepped out. He wore a black tunic and a blackened, once red beanie. A red puffle wearing a ninja mask sat on his shoulder. "Sorry I took so long," said Kwiksilver, reaching into his tunic pocket for something. "It took ages for us to find and fix Herbert's machine," said Sprocket, the red puffle. Kwiksilver pulled out a large box and threw out some strange looking guns that were tossed into the army of good. "These are Banana Blasters," said Kwiksilver, "Open fire on that Magma Puffle!" Streams of yellow banana goop flew through the air and landed on the giant puffle. They were absorbed into its body. "WROARR! PUNY LITTLE GUNS DO NOTHING!" bellowed the Magma Puffle. Then a curious change came over the great beast. It turned a brilliant yellow and it's eyes widened. It toppled backwards into Darktan's army, out for the count. "What just happened! You can't just knock out a beast like that!" screamed Darktan. "Bananas are an excellent source of potassium. Magma Puffles are just giant Lava Puffles, aren't they?" said Kwiksilver. Darktan was silent. So were the armies. "Lava Puffles can not handle potassium, it is their immune system's weak point . They get knocked out on contact. That Magma Puffle will be unconsious for about two days, and we'll defeat you in that much time, hey?" "YEAH!" A giant cheer erupted from the army of good. The fighting started up again. "Have at you!" yelled Kwiksilver and Sprocket, and they dived into the fray, blasting Oxipie out of their guns. ---- "We've done it. Those STINC warriors just got owned, "said Speeddasher. The other Ninjas closely followed with Ninjahopper close behind. The short trip across the ocean had made him very seasick and he felt like he ate 1,000 fried fish. "Arr, I be to sick to fight anymore me students," he proclaimed. "You'll have to go on without me. I'll catch up later." "Don't worry," said a student. "We'll make you proud. You're one of the best trainers anyone could ever have.' The Sensei Apprentice smiled like he never had before. His students had their Cards ready, and they felt like the Ninjas of Olde Antarctica. Just then one student raised his flipper. "ZOMG-YOU'RE-ROCKHOPPER-AND-YOUR-A-NINJA!" He screamed. "ARRRRRRGH!" yelled Ninjahopper. ---- Chapter Eight: Secret Weapons Abound! Mayor McFlapp and Explorer walked through the corridors of Ternville. Sounds of the battle drifted up from below and could be heard from outside. "Come on, wot!" said Mayor McFlapp, breaking into a run. "I want t' show you something." The two creatures zigzagged through the winding hallways until they reached a tall metal door. It was locked with a biometric pass. Mayor McFlapp scanned his eyes and beak, then unlocked the door with his City Key. The door swung open, setting free a mist of purple gas. When the cloud dissipated, Explorer found himself standing in a dark laboratory. Mayor McFlapp's shadow appeared on the wall and signaled for him to follow. The Mayor led Explorer to a large machine in the center of the room. It had a small, empty holder that was suspended over a vat of some molten substance. "Would y' mind if I borrowed your little Amulet?" asked Mayor McFlapp, extending his wing. Explorer pulled the glassy icicle from his inventory and gave it to the Mayor, who inserted it into the machine's holder. When he rubbed the amulet's top, it began to glow and started shooting glacial energy into the vat below. "This, my friend," explained the Mayor as he watched the vat begin to bubble, "is my newly invented type of ammuniton, wot! King Triskelle and I came up with it! This here bally molten stuff is a special type of metal that can hold energy, such as the Silmaril energy that the Elemental Amulets shoot out! When I shoot energy into its liquid form, the stuff hardens and turns into a glassy, brittle substance! That's what we'll use as our flippin' ammo, wot!" The Mayor, using a set of tongs, pulled a glassy sphere from the vat. Trapped in the sphere was some kind of blueish energy, the same kind that the Ice Amulet spewed out. Explorer oohed and ahhed as the Mayor smashed the glass ball on the floor, causing an ice patch to form where the energy had escaped. "Hurry now, wot!" said Mayor McFlapp as he turned a latch and opened a door. "I have a very important meeting at the South Pole Council!" ---- King Triskelle and the High Penguin remnant army had reached South Pole City. Triskelle knew this city inside and out, ever since it was South Pole Citadel. "I know something that few else do..." He said to Will Whitefoot. "Well, what is-" "Shhhh!" Triskelle interrupted. He walked up to the gates of The South Pole Krytocric Hall. He didn't think anyone was here, so he broke the gates open. "Ah! You're rather late, aren't you, wot?" came the voice of Mayor McFlapp from the courtroom. "Oh, isn't this a spree! Follow me, and do exactly as I say," Triskelle replied. "Sah, yes sah!" McFlapp pulled out a key from his great coat, and flew up to the clock tower where the Khan Die was cast. Grabbing the huge hands on the clock, he strained to shift the large flippers. Even though the Mayor was able-bodied, it took a while to move the hour and minute hands to their new positions. Eventually, he moved the clock to 3:14, then to Noon, then to 3:14 simultaneously. Upon the completion of the old code, the bells rang in musical sequence B-A-D-D-E-E, a sound that echoed for kilometers away. A trapdoor in the purple roof of the capitol sprang open. Its mechanisms were so old that it seemed it was untouched for decades. Walking in, the Mayor was amazed at the weapons Triskelle spoke of. There were catapults and HP magic scrolls, thousands of untouched pies, pie recipes with results that would stick like glue, even several cannons dating back to Khanzem. Loading them out one by one, they continued preparing. Becky, the Mayor's secretary, flew to the Frost Clock Tower and twisted the tower's spire as if it were a combination lock. In fact, it was, with small numbers etched upon its base. Becky turned the lock to the combination "12-24-12-16", and several "mini-cannons" sprung out of the clock's Big Ben-esque "windows" that were placed above each clock face. A deputation of terns flew over to operate the cannons. Explorer, meanwhile, was in the downtown portion of the city stringing a bungee chord between two skyscrapers; it became a giant slingshot. City volunteers were already at the city walls, activating several repeating ballistas and trebuchets by turning each merlon on the battlement 90 degrees to the left, then punching the star symbols under the merlons. Other helpers were loading ammo into the giant artillery machines. Triskelle told his entrouge to help them. They loaded the ammo from the secret room, as well as all of the ice ammo from the laboratory, and set it upon the slingshot. The cannons and such were loaded onto Pie Tanks and were preparing to be transorted to PBJT battle. Triskelle told all the High Penguins to find any departement stores or clothing shoppes and recite "Treguna Mekoides and Trecorum Satis Dee". South Pole Citadel had come back. The war was about to be turned on its side. ---- Chapter Nine: Tails Versus Metal Explorer Metal Explorer had an angry look on his face. The Dark Archons had failed to defeat the ninjas, and King Triskelle was almost to the battle. He then noticed on penguin who seemed to be firing hot sauce out of some machine. It was Tails6000, who was once of his main rivals. "The penguin allways wanted to fight. Let's see if he wants to now." The robot then landed next to Tails, using his force field gadget to avoid being hit by hot sauce (wich would instantly cause his gears to stop working). "It's about time we had that final battle like we did in that video game, whatever it was called," proclaimed the robot. "I just want to know if you except the challenge, or if you're to chicken?" Putting his hotsauce blaster down, Tails held out his flipper. "I am not chicken Metal Explorer," he replied. "Let's have this final face down." Metal Explorer then neutralized the force field and they shook flippers. "I've been waiting three years for this moment Tails. And the best part is, I chose the battleground." Metal Explorer then grabed Tails and they landed on a cloud that was about 6,000 feet above the Pie War. "Are you ready to brawl penguin?"Asked the Robot. Tails transformed into his super mode. He could now run fast, and jump incredibly high. "Ready," he replied. ---- Shortly after, Metal Eplorer and Tails stood apart from eachother. thumb|100px|right|Theme for battle. "Let's get it on!" exclaimed Tails, ready for battle. The fight began in a heartbeat. The two were at such blazing speeds that the only way to follow was to view it in slow motion. "You may know everything I plan on doing, but that works both ways! I know exactly what you want to do as well! I can predict your moves!" said Tails in a stern way. Metal Explorer, confused and angered, commenced flipper-to-flipper combat right there. He threw pies attempting to hit Tails. Eventually after thirty tries he succeded. After that he kept trying to hit him more times but could not succeed. "Stand still penguin. I've got to get back to Darktan's Castle soon or Manny will start whining." After about thirty minutes of this, Tails became fed up at their equally matched abilities. Deciding to end this now, he reached into his player card and pulled out his Emeralds. Throwing them upon the ground, he became Hyper Tails, meaning he was now stronger than before. He started floating and could run unbelivably fast. He turned flashing colors as well. "Woah. Didn't see that coming." Tails laughed at that remark, for his power now exceeded the robot's. He formed a mass of Chaos Spear in his flippers, while Metal Explorer looked onward. A smirk went across his beak as he took the Chaos Spear and placed it in his trusty slingshot. He pulled its strap back, and let go, sending a beam of Chaos Spear clean into Metal Explorer! KKZZZEEEERRTT! Metal Explorer was fried. His circuits shorted, he powered off for good. In true dramatic fashion, Tails floated down gently where the dead mass of wires and silicon was. It was all over for Metal Explorer. "Heh heh" Tails smirked with a chuckle, the emeralds' power gone. He was normal again. Since he couldn't rejoin the war (because he left), he hopped into his airplane and flew off to a nice vantage point to watch the war in safety. ---- Chapter Ten: So long Manny Austin8310 zoomed in on his golf cart. "What? I'm late? Oh come on. I spent 10,500 Khanz for an airplane ride and I'm late?!?!?! Oh well." Austin8310 charged, wielding his mullet. Furious about being late, he charged into the nearest STINC soldier. POW! SLAM! CRASH! He then grabbed a boisonberry and twirled it around his head. Once, twice, thrice, and threw. NEROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW THUD THUD CRASH BANG "AGHHH" SLAM "OH NOES NOT BOISONBERRY!" Austin8310 laughed as a battalion ran for cover. Suddenly, three Doom Knights stood front of him. He smacked one in the face, but the other two advanced on him. "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry..." The Doom Knight laughed. "Bring it, tiny." Austin8310 grew to a large size, and with one swipe of a flipper, that Doom Knight fell to the floor. A countdown, a bell, gone. The other one ran in fright, not wanting to face the now normal-sized Austin. Another Doom Knight sneaked behind, and clobbered Austin. He was out for the count! That was, until Flystar55555 came from the sky and saved him! Picking him up, and slapping him to conciousness, they continued to battle. ---- It was near 8:00 PM, and the noob Manny Peng was eating some pie. He was happy the fact that Metal Explorer was gone. Now he wouldn't have to be babysat, and he was happy as ever. but then a very sad Darktan walked into his room. He appeared to be crying with and holding a tissue. "I'm afraid you have to move out Manny. With Metal Explorer gone there's no one to watch you," said Darktan while crying. Manny then screamed. "I ONWY THWEE! I ONWY THWEE! Pwease don't send mwe away!" Darktan continued to cry. "I don't have time to watch you dear Manny. I'll have to send you somewhere else." Darktan called a Skua and Manny Peng was carried off to Ban Island. He screamed so loud that Fred's glasses almost cracked. "I ONWY THWEE! I IS SWO SWAD!" "Good bye Manny, good bye," said Darktan as he sobbed and closed the window. But once he closed it, crying turned into laughter. " Ha ha ha, good ridance." Darktan then went back to his seat to watch the war. ---- The Skua dropped Manny Peng in a large iron cage. "Wait, this is nwot Bwan Iswand? "Said a confused Manny" The Skua landed next to him. She had a evil smrik on his face. Then things got creepy. The skua pulled of her discuise and all was revealed. The Skua was none other than Mabel wearing a propeller hat, discuised as a bird. "There's been a change of plans Manny," she said. "Ban Island is to good a punishment for you. You'll remain in prison until you can talk like a normal penguin." Mabel then threw off the propeller hat and stomped on it (she only wear it so she could snatch Manny Peng). "And the best part is, I'll be you're teacher." Mabel smirked and Manny cried so much that the cage would've flooded if it didn't have a barred window. Mabel then made an evil laugh as she carried Manny Peng to his cell for his first school lesson. ---- "Hey Tails did you see that. Manny's gone. Oh yah! "Yelled Speeddasher as he was talking to Tails on his phone. "Yah that was awsome, "Tails replied. "One Mwa Mwa Penguin in the USA down, about 5,670 to go." Speed then said goodbye and put his phone away. He then got out a megphone and spoke into it. "Hey everyone! Manny Peng has finally been put in jail! And his teacher is Mabel!" Everyone was silent for a minute. Then everyone (including Darktan's minions) cheered. They cheered so loud that the battle almost ended that day. Everyone was really happy. About an hour later though everyone got back to the Pie War. ---- Chapter Eleven: Defend the City! Triskelle entered the South Pole City Museum of Antarctican History. Inside, suits of armour, Trans-Antarctica Highlanders, Loyalist Red Coats, Naughtzee uniforms, and High Penguin guard robes were arranged neatly. Triskelle cleared his oesophagious and cracked his flippers. "Treguna Mekoides Trecorum Satis Dee!" He said in a loud and clear voice. The historic garments floated to life, and Triskelle grinned. "This'll be a lark!" He said. Mayor McFlapp and the Terns loaded ammo into the turrets, and supplied Triskelle's army with loaded weapons. Triskelle's army stood positions on the wall, while the High Penguins and Triskelle rallied all the clothes with the Substitutiary Locomotion spell. Meanwhile, Explorer had a stroke of genius. He gave Triskelle a look, and Triskelle knew what he wanted to do. They waddled to the city center and found the Giant Pen. Triskelle pointed his flipper at the tall moneument, he shouted at it, "Treguna Mekoides Trecorum Satis Dee!" EEEERRRRRWEEEEEE!!!! The Giant Pen lifted itself from its pedestal and started following Explorer down the path. Grinning proudly, Explorer showed McFlapp the Pen, which was now leaning over the Citadel battlements, as if it wanted to charge at the Darktonian lines. "Ahaha.. Revenge of the gift shoppe..." laughed Triskelle. "Note to self: Give Miss Price a reward once the war is over for inventing the most useful spell in history!" ---- Even though the other warriors were using pies, Speed used his Card Jitsu cards. He wanted to fight like the Ninjas of Olde Antarctica did, and he liked using the Fire Card. Then something grabbed him and lifted him up into the air. He looked up and saw it was a Icarus. He didn't know any Card he could use to defeat it though. Then it got worse. More Icari came to help hold him up. "Bring the Ninja to Darktan, "said the one that looked like the leader. "He'll make a good Flame Kinght." Speeddasher was all of a sudden frightened. These creatures planned to infect him with Doom Weeds and Ditto. For awhile he thought he was doomed when he remembered his alien card. "I bet you guys have never seen anything like this," Speed laughed. Using the card it disapeared. The Icari where silent for awhile, but then started laughing like crazy. Then out of nowhere a penguin in a alien suit appeared out of nowhere in a U.F.O. A beam of light then showed up and the head Icarus. Then as quick as it appeared, the U.F.O disappeared. The remaining Icari were now as frightened as Mwa Mwa Penguins. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! They screamed. Imediatley they let go of Speeddasher and flew back to Darktan's Castle. Speed would've laughed then, but he then realised he was over forty thousand feet in the air. Good thing he landed in Tail's Plane. "Good thing I was here huh Speed," said Tails. "Y, y, ya," replied the Ninja shakily. The two then flew over PBJT Valley, and watched the battle. ---- Austin8310 glared. 42 STINC minions glared back. Up from above, Tails and Speeddasher stared. "He's a goner." "Totally". Or was he? Austin8310 whistled, and Flystar55555 flew out of the sky and pounded one, telegrabbed one, and fireblasted one. At that, the STINC minions ran around in disarray. Austin8310 pounded, slammed, but then he was outnumbered. Suddenly, he had a stroke of genius! He jumped in his golf cart and started running the STINC minions over. "EAT MY TIRES, WIMPS!!!" A Icarus flew in and broke his car. Austin8310 flew out and was mobbed.But, he wasn't out yet. He grabbed a jetpack out of his inventory, a hose, and snowballs. He quickly flew up into the air, and shot the snowballs out of the hose. When he saw 8 Icari... He ran for it. He started yelling at them. "A BIT OF ASSISTANCE HERE?!?!?!" as the Icari swooped down and tried to pick him up. Eventually, Tails and Speed landed to let Austin in the plane with them. They then took off into the sky, watching the battle peacefully, each having done their duty for the USA. ---- "Alright boys (and girls)"said an unknown voice on board a plane. "Its jump time and I don't want any messing about. "Lets go" said a Blizzard Ranger's voice. Even before he jumped out he knew this was crazy. He quickly activated his parachute. When he landed, along with two other Rangers, he was surrounded by Doom Knights. The Doom Knight, each armed with Mullets, slapped and slapped the Rangers. Suddenly, Penghis Khan came out of no where and slapped the Doom Knights with the Imperial (now pie-filled) Mullet. "Alright!" said one of the rangers. More rangers arrived, each armed with either pies, snow guns or hot sauce machine guns. They all raced to battle, all eager (but still outnumbered) and began throwing their pies. ---- Deep under South Pole City, away from the battle, in a hidden chamber, Luce stood reading some ancient High Penguin Texts. "My memorie hath failed me," she said. "Finwë!" Footsteps. Luce spun around, ready to fight. "I say, I say, what ya'll in my cellar?" said The Kernel, walking down some stone steps. "Foolish, this an a hall of learning of anchient times." The Kernel flipped a switch and the room was flooded with light. Crates of fish lined the walls along with EFF posters. A large picture of the Kernel, saying "IT'S FLIPPER SALIVATIN' GOOD" was hung next to the scroll shelves. "Nope. Mah celluh." "Lock yourself in here next time and rid us of your annoyance!" said Luce. "I am on important buisness." "Why don't you call up that young'un, Kwiksilver? Ain't he the one of the people in that there Prophecy?" "If it will get you off my back, I suppose we must all play a pawn in the game." Luce scribbled a message on her Psychic Paper. Kwiksilver, meet me at these co-ordinates..... ---- Chapter 12: Fire! The Giant Pen moved up to the wall of South Pole City. Triskelle and McFlapp armed themselves. "Wot? Thats not a flippin' pie!" McFlapp ranted to Triskelle, seeing the object he had in his right flipper. "I know," Triskelle said. "Amulets arent out of the picture, seeing as Darkey has one." Triskelle had actually brought every amulet, except Shadow and Light, with him. He slipped them around his neck. Mayor McFlapp then gave orders to the defenders' army. "All right, you bally bunglers, wot! You're here to PWN, not nap, so stay alert! Look out for sneak attacks and any bally pies that come flyin' at ya! No talking in the ranks, no stepping out of line, the sort. Any questions?" No flippers came up. "All right!" cried the Mayor. "Mini-cannons, you there, yes, you, on top of the bloomin' clock tower, you're our anti-aircraft artillery, wot! Wall cannons! Defend at short range! Repeating trebuchets and ballistas! Defend at long range, just shoot any ol' flippin' stuff at the foebirds, wot! Slow 'em down, eh? Infantry! Move out an' spread, cover the grounds on top o' the hill and and hold the foebirds there! Pie Tanks! Support the infantry, wot! Giant Pen! Err.... just move around the enemy lines, trample the foebirds, squirt ink, the like. Any last words, Chief?" Triskelle nodded and turned to the army. "FORBERED FOR SLAG!" he yelled. "PREPARE FOR BATTLE, WOT!" McFlapp translated. ---- "Hmmm...." Darktan said, pacing back and forth. "We are losing. We must retreat. Aha, but they wont be much without their precious capital, will they?" He said to a Mwa Mwa Penguin. "Otay. Wes swir!" said the loonie. Darktan called a break with the referee. The referee agreed. None of them knew that it would be the biggest mistake of their lives... ---- TO BE CONTINUED!!!!! Result The article is not finished, but I'll go ahead and tell you this: 1. No one died. 2. Happy Ending. 3. They fought with Pies. See also * Luce * Silmaril * Professor Shroomsky * Turtleheimer * King Triskelle * Darktan * Str00del Force * The Other Participants * Great Darktonian Pie War/Archived Inclusions Category:Stories Category:Events